A Sober Swifties Preemptive Clowning Ritual

Which Reputation Archetype Are You?

Hi, my name is Anne Marie and I am once again donning my clown nose and emotional armor because the internet is absolutely feral with theories that Reputation (Taylor’s Version) is dropping Monday at the American Music Awards.

Will it actually happen? Who knows. Will I stay up all night refreshing Spotify in a sequined bathrobe surrounded by black candles and a shrine of snake rings? Absolutely. Have I been burned before? MANY TIMES. Am I still willing to believe? YES!!

And while we wait to have our hearts broken all over again, or triumphantly resurrected in a blaze of synth-pop glory, let’s play a little game I call:

✨ Which Reputation Archetype Are You? ✨

Sober Swifties edition.

🏰 The Crumbled Castle Queen

“My castle crumbled overnight / I brought a knife to a gunfight / They took the crown, but it’s all right.”
– Call It What You Want

You’ve seen some shit. You’ve been underestimated, overcaffeinated, and underwhelmed by everyone’s advice. Yet here you are, holding it together with nothing but eyeliner, stubbornness, and spite.

Signature Move: Quietly becoming a legend while everyone’s still gossiping about the old you.
Sober Swiftie Mood: Journaling with fury, healing with glitter.
Mocktail Order: A dirty soda with ceremonial ice.
Mantra: “Plot twist: I’m still standing.

🔥 The Righteous Burner

“If he drops my name, then I owe him nothing / And if he spends my change, then he had it coming.”
– I Did Something Bad

You’ve blocked more people then you’ve texted back. You don’t believe in second chances, unless it’s for yourself. You’ve torched group chats, deleted entire social media platforms, and you look great doing it.

Signature Move: Saying “good luck” and meaning “bye forever.”
Sober Swiftie Mood: Unbothered. Unshaken. Unapologetic.
Mocktail Order: Spicy AF jalapeño lime spritzer.
Mantra: “Not bitter, just hydrated.”

🌸 The Soft Reveal

“My reputation’s never been worse, so / You must like me for me…”
– Delicate

You’re soft. You’re sweet. But let’s not forget: you’ve survived things your former self could only cry about in lowercase text. You’re all about heart-eyed emojis, tentative trust, and the slow reveal.

Signature Move: Telling someone “no pressure!” while internally spiraling.
Sober Swiftie Mood: Soft launch queen.
Mocktail Order: Rosewater lemonade with edible glitter.
Mantra: “I'm sensitive and powerful, thanks.”

🧊 The Sovereign of Solitude

“I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own / I made up my mind, I'm better off bein' alone.”
– King of My Heart

You’re thriving. Truly. You love your own company, your meticulously curated Spotify playlists, and your evening routine that starts at 5:43 PM. Nobody is coming between you and your Topo Chico. Nobody.

Signature Move: Saying “I’m free that night” and still staying home.
Sober Swiftie Mood: Main character of a movie no one else gets to watch.
Mocktail Order: Topo in a fancy glass. No notes.
Mantra: “Alone isn’t lonely when you vibe this hard.”

🐍 The Reputation Holder

“Big reputation, big reputation / Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations.”
– End Game

You’ve been called a lot of things- dramatic, intense, “a lot.” But you? You call that personality. You’ve stopped trying to fit into spaces that ask you to shrink. Your presence is a power move.

Signature Move: Telling the truth with a wink and a smirk.
Sober Swiftie Mood: Front row with sunglasses and receipts.
Mocktail Order: Blackberry basil shrub. Sharp. Sweet. Iconic.
Mantra: “I said what I said.”

💌 Who Are You?

Pick your archetype, or claim a few. We contain multitudes. Share in the comments!
And if Reputation (TV) actually drops on Monday?

We celebrate. We cry. We pour another mocktail and say:
“ Ooooh. Look what we made it through.”

Still hoping, still healing, still clowning,
Anne Marie 🖤